We travel to the future, the past and the nightmares in between

Elementary Deductionist

The Ultimate Guide for any fan of the Elementary TV Series

About Elementary

Following his fall from grace in London and a stint in rehab, eccentric Sherlock escapes to Manhattan where his wealthy father forces him to live with his worst nightmare – a sober companion, Dr. Watson. While annoyed at first, he soon finds that Dr. Watson has what it takes to become his partner in deduction.

Seasons: 2

Episodes: 48

Original Network: CBS United States of America

Genre: Crime / Mystery

Air Date and Time:
Canada Global: Returning Fall 2014
United Kingdom Sky Living: Returning Fall 2014
United States of America CBS: Returning Fall 2014

Quotes from Elementary: Season 1

Select a season below:

Episode 01 Episode 02 Episode 03 Episode 04 Episode 05 Episode 06 Episode 07 Episode 08 Episode 09 Episode 10 Episode 11 Episode 12 Episode 13 Episode 14 Episode 15 Episode 16 Episode 17 Episode 18 Episode 19 Episode 20 Episode 21 Episode 22 Episode 23 Episode 24

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Joan Watson: I'm sorry, did you say he escaped?

Joan Watson: My name is Joan Watson. I've been hired by your father to be your sober companion.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you believe in love at first sight? I know what you're thinking; the world is a cynical place and I must be a cynical man, thinking a woman like you would fall for a line like that. Thing is, it isn't a line. So please here me when I say this, I have never loved anyone as I do you right now in this moment.

Sherlock Holmes: If you mean his threats to evict me from this, the shoddiest of the least renovated of the five, count them, five, properties he owns in New York, then yeah, he made his conditions quite clear.

Sherlock Holmes: Prior to my stint at junkie-jail, I worked as a consultant at Scotland Yard.

Sherlock Holmes: Tell me, how do clients typically introduce you?
Joan Watson: What do you mean?
Sherlock Holmes: I mean I find it hard to believe they'd actually tell someone they'd been assigned a glorified helper monkey.

Sherlock Holmes: She's either lost a tremendous amount of weight or underwent significant plastic surgery sometime in the last two years.

Sherlock Holmes: She's in the safe room.
Captain Gregson: What safe room?
Sherlock Holmes: The one behind that wall.

Sherlock Holmes: Sometimes I hate it when I'm right.

Joan Watson: How do you do it?
Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
Joan Watson: Guess things?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't guess, I observe, and once I've observed, I deduce.

Joan Watson: How did you know he had an affair?
Sherlock Holmes: Google. Well, not everything is deducable.

Mr. Polk: I was home, alone. I know, not much of an alibi, but I don't care because I didn't do it.

Joan Watson: Did you know honey was dripping through the ceiling?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm writing a book, A Practical Handbook of Bee Culture with some observations upon the segregation of the queen. Up here. I've just started chapter 19, like to hear the last few paragraphs?

Sherlock Holmes: Mr. Polk is a prat, no doubt, but his body language said sub, not dom. I don't see him having the berries to take another life.

Joan Watson: I don't hate my job.
Sherlock Holmes: You have two alarm clocks, no one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks means it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.

Sherlock Holmes: The simple truth is, I don't need you. I'm finished with drugs, I won't be using them again. My advice? Take a six-week holiday. I promise I won't tell Papa.

Joan Watson: I'm going to need your saliva now.

Sherlock Holmes: You can tell by the crucifix, you fiddle with it every time I ask a question. It's a pacifying behaviour. It's just elementary haptic communication.

Joan Watson: You're done here, go wait in the car.

Joan Watson: You are so full of it.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you saying he's in police custody?
Captain Gregson: Technically, ya, he's all ours.

Sherlock Holmes: I don't do what I do for the credit.

Sherlock Holmes: Something's off, I can feel it.

Sherlock Holmes: I went to Le Grand Macabre once when I was 9, now I'm a buff!

Joan Watson: It's so incredible, the way that you can solve people just by looking at them.

Sherlock Holmes: Rage. He felt rage.

Detective Abreu: Make it quick, Prince Charles.

Sherlock Holmes: You loaded him like a weapon, then you pointed him squarely at your own wife.

Sherlock Holmes: I happen to think there's some hope for you as an investigator.

Season 1 Episode 2: "While You Were Sleeping"

Sherlock Holmes: Amygdala!

Sherlock Holmes: Couldn't listen to all those sob stories, now, could I?
Joan Watson: That's the whole point, and, you know, when you feel comfortable, you can share.
Sherlock Holmes: You've lived with me a week now, Watson, you know I don't share.

Sherlock Holmes: I've always believed the human brain is like an attic; a storage space for facts. Because that space is finite, it must be filled only with the things one needs to be the best version of oneself.

Sherlock Holmes: Two whole hours by my lonesome?! Aren't you worried I'll go on some sort of binge?

Sherlock Holmes: Why must you continue to act like you've never seen a dead body before? You were a surgeon, you went to medical school. Surely you worked on cadavers.

Sherlock Holmes: You would classify this as a robbery-homicide, would you not? … You would be wrong. This was a robbery and a homicide. Ampersand, not dash.

Sherlock Holmes: Bureaucracy is one of the many reasons I'm not a policeman.

Captain Gregson: He wasn't asked to consult here for his charming personality.

Detective Bell: He could describe her to a T, probably because she's a product of his freaking imagination. Obviously he heard Harry Potter here say something about a female shooter back at the scene, and now he's trying to serve us one on a platter.

Sherlock Holmes: My advice, sleep with him. Do wonders for your mood.

Joan Watson: I am doing this because I'm actually good at it, I don't know why that is so hard to understand.

Joan Watson: Can we talk about Captain Gregson?
Sherlock Holmes: Well he's married, I'm afraid, quite happily.
Joan Watson: You're funny.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you going to make me guess where she is, detective, or are you going to show me?

Sherlock Holmes: Closed eyes do not necessarily a coma make.

Sherlock Holmes: That's okay, but I can't stab her in the thigh?

Joan Watson: I found something in the hall closet the other day...
Sherlock Holmes: Was it the zipper mask? I swear, I'm just holding that for a friend.

Sherlock Holmes: Five bucks says it's the ex-boyfriend.

Sherlock Holmes: You were right about a stress relief, I felt like Jimi Hendrix for a second there.

Detective Bell: So we know what our killer smells like, too bad we can't put out an APB on an armpit.

Sherlock Holmes: When you're ready to get your life back on track, Hemdale Rehabilitation Facility gets my very strongest recommendation. They even have a pool.

Sherlock Holmes: Lefty, caught me by surprise.

Sherlock Holmes: Hack is such an ugly word.

Ty: Tell your friend he's lucky I didn't slug him.
Joan Watson: If you ever do, swing from the left.

Sherlock Holmes: I can't believe that with everything we have to do, you have dragged me to another addict festival.

Joan Watson: You even think about zoning out it goes into the softest part of your thigh; lots of nerve endings there.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm playing the violin again, the world's smallest. I thought you'd be happy.

Joan Watson: Tell me what's going on and I will try and help you, don't and I will be the opposite of help.

Sherlock Holmes: You haven't seen the last of me, Ms. Ellison, not by a long shot.

Sherlock Holmes: You mind that big heart, Ms. Ellison, it'll beat longer.

Sherlock Holmes: You'd think that with what my father is paying you, you'd learn to cook.

Sherlock Holmes: You always know it, Watson, if you didn't it wouldn't be penance.

Season 1 Episode 3: "Child Predator"

Sherlock Holmes: I starting digging through one of the files I keep on open serial killers after you'd gone to bed and lost track of time. Still losing track of it, as a matter of fact, so no jogging. Sorry.

Sherlock Holmes: For future reference, when I said that "I agree with you", it means I'm not listening.
Joan Watson: You know what else is great? Jazzercise. I'll get you some leg warmers, a headband... you'll look awesome.
Sherlock Holmes: I agree with you.

Sherlock Holmes: I'd like to think that Fleet Street would've devised a more inventive sobriquet than the Ballon Man, but I do enjoy the inadvertent E.E. Cummings reference.

Sherlock Holmes: I could have sworn I was wearing a shirt at some point.

Detective Bell: That's good, she's a fighter.
Sherlock Holmes: If little girls could actually win fights against grown men then, yeah, it would be a cause for great optimism.

Sherlock Holmes: You nourish him, he'll get bored, end the game. Keep him hungry, we might have two days.

Sherlock Holmes: Situations like these, cases that require my total concentration, I talk to you, never the other way around.

Detective Bell: So, what are we looking for?
Sherlock Holmes: Home security camera, neighbour with a photographic memory.

Joan Watson: No sleep, no food...
Sherlock Holmes: ...Will make Sherlock a dull boy.

Sherlock Holmes: You know what, Watson? I'll take it all back. I'm beginning to find the chatter that accompanies your companionship extremely useful. A bit like white noise, it puts me in a state where I can think and observe better.

Joan Watson: If this is your idea of a brown van, you're even more sleep-deprived than I thought.

Joan Watson: I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Because, I thought I was just a cavernous expanse between two ears.

Sherlock Holmes: In a brief stretch in London, I talked only to a phrenology bust I kept in my study; I named him Angus.

Sherlock Holmes: Story of the century, this.

Captain Gregson: Your a consultant, not a cop.

Sherlock Holmes: My father packed me off to boarding school when I was just 8 years old, hmph. I was a little bit of a know-it-all, well, a massive know-it-all, actually.

Sherlock Holmes: Funny the thinks we do for the people that we care about.

Captain Gregson: No more questions, he lawyered up.
Sherlock Holmes: Via telepathy?
Captain Gregson: Via his parents, they're here.

Sherlock Holmes: From a drop of water a logician can infer the possibility of an Atlantic or Niagra without having seen or heard of either one. I've got my drop of water, now allow me to infer.

Sherlock Holmes: You can't stop me, Watson. I don't care how I look, I don't care how I smell, I'm not going to sleep.

Sherlock Holmes: Victims of horrific abuse are often protective of their abusers; it doesn't mean we should send them back for seconds.

Robert: If anything happens to our daughter, your head is the one we're going to be calling for in the press.

Adam: Would you turn in your dad?
Sherlock Holmes: I'd trade my dad for a tic-tac, but that's my dad, not yours.

Sherlock Holmes: You tricked me, Adam. That doesn't happen very often.

Adam: And for how I turned the tables on him, let's just say it's not very difficult when your captor has an IQ south of 90.

Sherlock Holmes: I handed a psychopath a "get out of jail free" card.

Joan Watson: If you're trying to blow off steam, squats would be cheaper, easier on the decor, too.

Sherlock Holmes: What happened? Did you get bored while your playmate was in the hospital?

Sherlock Holmes: We should double down on work.
Joan Watson: We?
Sherlock Holmes: You, me, Angus. Some combination of the three.

Sherlock Holmes: Now's the moment when a true detective digs into his old files; you see everything with a new light.

Season 1 Episode 4: "The Rat Race"

Captain Gregson: Ooookkaayy. I don't know why you guys couldn't have just told me that, but fine.

Joan Watson: We're not "together" together...

Joan Watson: The only reason I am telling you this is because I think he may have relapsed. I need your help to find him.

Joan Watson: Are you serious?
Emily: Shut up.
Joan Watson: I'm going to kill you.

Sherlock Holmes: Language is evolving, Watson, becoming a more efficient version of itself. I love text shorthand; it allows you to convey content and tone without losing velocity.

Sherlock Holmes: Those are costumes. I loathe bankers; they rigged the roulette wheel of commerce, very nearly destroyed the world economy, and they still think that if they wear suits they will be treated like respectable folk instead of the crooks that they are.

Mr. Fowkes: He also said that you were the finest investigator he'd ever known. We'd like to hire you and your, uh, associate.
Sherlock Holmes: Bodyguard.

Sherlock Holmes: My usual private consulting rates will apply, of course, multiplied by a factor of 12, shall we say? You're wondering if I'm worth it, I could provide a demonstration if you'd like?

Joan Watson: I don't think I've ever seen you so happy, back in the conference room. Mastering the masters of the universe.
Sherlock Holmes: Bit of letdown, actually. I think I could've gotten 20 times my normal rate.
Joan Watson: What is your normal rate?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I don't have one. Remind me to make one up before I leave.

Sherlock Holmes: When I invite Martin Rydell to lunch, it'll help if I drop the name of one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

Joan Watson: So you loathe Canon-Ebersole and everything they stand for, but you love to spend their money. You don't see any inconsistency there?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm redistributing as many of their assets as I can. If I'm going to get in bed with the croupiers or a rigged game, I'm gonna make damned sure their wallets are lighter in the morning.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm sure there's any number of magazines who would love to publish a story about the man who hides all the dirty secrets of Wall Street. The press is so base these days.

Sherlock Holmes: Ya, this is Detective Donowicz of the NYPD, we got a warrant to look inside Apartment 2G.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm fine, I have to be, and talking about my feelings is not gonna get it solved, all right?

Detective Bell: Okay, granted I've never been hit by a salad container, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't knock you out.

Sherlock Holmes: Canon-Ebersole has lost two COOs in a year; that sounds like a dangerous job.

Joan Watson: Death by peanut oil; that would be a brilliant way to kill someone.

Sherlock Holmes: If I wanted drugs, I could always climb out of the window, whether you're here or not.

Sherlock Holmes: Flexing our deductive muscles, are we? I could burst with pride.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, this is a bit awkward, but I'd say that you're a damn good suspect.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, are you done? Every time you say "innocent" I tune out.

Jim Fowkes: Let me let you in on a little secret, Mr. Holmes, we're all sociopaths.

Joan Watson: Coffee with a creep? No thanks.

Sherlock Holmes: First one to tattle gets the shorter sentence.

Sherlock Holmes: I can't take a tranquilizer but if it's not too much trouble, I'd love ten minutes hooked up to your oxygen rig.

Joan Watson: I'm sorry, are you trying to take credit for the fact that I saved your life?

Joan Watson: I think that was a compliment buried in a double negative, so... thanks.

Captain Gregson: Do you think I'm an idiot?

Sherlock Holmes: It has its costs.
Joan Watson: What does?
Sherlock Holmes: Learning to see the puzzle in everything. They're everywhere, once you start looking, it's impossible to stop. I just so happens that people, and all the deceits and delusions that inform everything they do, tend to be the most fascinating puzzles of all.

Season 1 Episode 5: "Lesser Evils"

Sherlock Holmes: Bit odd, I know. Postmortem bruising experiments are more of a third-date activity.

Sherlock Holmes: Now help me roll this one over so I can try a choke hold.

Sherlock Holmes: Given that your eyes are doing that thing they do when you lie, I sincerely doubt that's the case.

Sherlock Holmes: So as far as what's going on, Watson, we're investigating a murder.

Joan Watson: I can live with missing the squamata at the Met, but I'd rather not get arrested.

Joan Watson: Just be glad the captain got here when he did; you could've ended up in the psych ward.
Sherlock Holmes: Sure you would have been devastated.

Sherlock Holmes: What was it that drove you two apart? Man, job, failed sapphic dalliance? Fingers crossed for the last one.
Joan Watson: He's got a form of tourettes.

Sherlock Holmes: And what's your role here? Do you reach things off high shelves for this one?

Sherlock Holmes: He's dead, do you think he's worried about his privacy?

Sherlock Holmes: I can't believe I had to apologize to that pencil-pusher.

Sherlock Holmes: These coffee orders, the Magna Carta is less complicated.

Sherlock Holmes: It's no small thing, walking away from a career requiring 12 years of training.

Sherlock Holmes: Ms. Cleavage is not a doctor.

Sherlock Holmes: You know I dislike proposing a theory in its formative stages, before I feel confident of its conclusion.

Joan Watson: You're talking about an Angel of Death.

Joan Watson: All this because you made a couple of short jokes.

Sherlock Holmes: Luck in an offencive abhorrent concept. The idea there is a force in the universe tilting events in your favour or against it is ridiculous. Idiots rely on luck.

Sherlock Holmes: Kelty was blind from his tumour, remember? For all he knew, his visitor could have been a circus clown.

Dr. Baldwin: There are risks associated with innovation.

Sherlock Holmes: Myriad studies have shown that first instincts are typically the right ones.

Sherlock Holmes: So we didn't catch the angel, we caught an addict.

Captain Gregson: Nothing like getting caught to help one grow a conscience.

Dr. Carrie Dwyer: She'll be fine Joan; I'm operating on her, not you.

Mr. Gura: When a patient is in pain, dying is not a tragedy, it is a release.

Mr. Gura: I freed them. I freed them from the pain-wrecked prison their bodies had become.

Mr. Gura: You are no better than the police in Soviet Ukraine; making up lies to suit your truths.

Joan Watson: Remember on our vascular rotation how the chief resident always use to say "better lucky than good"? Sounds to me, you were lucky.

Carrie: You were always a good friend Joanie, but you were a better doctor.

Dr. Baldwin: You step ahead of everybody for long enough, people start calling you brilliant. I got a feeling you know something about that.

Dr. Baldwin: God forbid either of you should ever need surgery to save your life; I am the guy you want standing over you in the OR.

Sherlock Holmes: My favourite bit, this moment; the slumped shoulders, the pallor, like a turtle trying to retreat back into its shell.

Season 1 Episode 6: "Flight Risk"

Joan Watson: Like pushing buttons, I'm stunned.

Joan Watson: Maybe some lunatic will put his mother-in-law in the wood chipper, give you something to do today.

Sherlock Holmes: Take it from someone who has spent incrementally more time with him than you, he has zero intention of meeting us for dinner this evening.

Captain Gregson: This isn't a crime scene, it's a crash site.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm a jack of many trades. When it comes to aviation, air accidents, I'm something of an expert.

Sherlock Holmes: A specialist in the field of deductive reasoning, and unravelling the complex chain of events that can turn a triumph of human innovation into a smoldering pile of wreckage in seconds.

Sherlock Holmes: You might want to add wrench-wielding mad-man to that list.

Joan Watson: Are you okay? You seem a little off, even for you.

Sherlock Holmes: There's a story here, Watson, and we need to help tell it.

Sherlock Holmes: Of course you do, he's signing your cheques.
Joan Watson: Remind me, how are you paying for the Brownstone again?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm about to disabuse you of several notions, so please, listen very carefully. One, my father does not care about me; he does what he does out of a sense of familial obligations, big difference. Two, he does not care about you or what you think; meeting you would be a formality. And three, as I've already told you, your concern is unwarranted because he has absolutely no intention of showing up tonight.

Sherlock Holmes: Because he is a serial absentee; a pathological maker and breaker of promises. Been that way since I was a boy. Fool me one, shame on you, fool me ad nauseam...

Joan Watson: Can I ask you a question?
Sherlock Holmes: Can I stop you?

Sherlock Holmes: Now, since you're a disgraced ex-surgeon and not a disgraced ex-psychologist, what say you stop analyzing me, okay?
Joan Watson: How did you get from London to New York?

Joan Watson: It's the model glue, isn't it?
Sherlock Holmes: It's murder on my senses, not to mention the fact I'm under strict orders not to get high. This office is like one big huffing bag.

Joan Watson: Last chance to join us for dinner.
Sherlock Holmes: Last chance to accept there is no dinner. Dad never shows, say it with me, Watson, maybe it'll sink in. ... He's Lucy with the football, you're Charlie Brown.

Joan Watson: People don't make plans just to break them.
Sherlock Holmes: People don't, my father does.

Sherlock Holmes: It's a bit ironic, isn't it? Diabetic working for a company that makes bad sugar?

Sherlock Holmes: By showing his scalp what the inside of his skull looks like?

Detective Bell: So in other words, we got nothing.
Sherlock Holmes: Nope, we got sand.

"Mr. Holmes": Stubborn, criminally so, always was.

"Mr. Holmes": Would you mind terribly if I asked you one thing first? How's the sex
Joan Watson: I beg your pardon?
"Mr. Holmes": The sex? The shagging? Is he enjoying it?

Joan Watson: Your not Mr. Holmes, are you?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, come on Watson, show a little appreciation for a prank well played.

Sherlock Holmes: I waiting for you. Hm? You should be grateful.
Joan Watson: If you want to go pound on some criminal's door, I suggest you call the police; I'm going to bed.

Sherlock Holmes: You should have trusted me when I told you he wouldn't show.

Joan Watson: You know what, Sherlock, I don't trust you. Because thanks to you, we're still basically just strangers.

Sherlock Holmes: 66 pounds is the equivalent of exactly 30 kilos; nice even number for cocaine smuggling, no?

Sherlock Holmes: It's glue again; it's worse this time. It's like he bathed in the stuff.

Captain Gregson: I'm gonna call for a warrant, ink will be dry before your foot goes through his door.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you ever seen a poorer excuse for a liar?

Joan Watson: You gonna be okay on your own for a while?
Sherlock Holmes: Somehow I'll soldier on.

Joan Watson: Sherlock doesn't have friends.
Alistair Moore: Ah, not in the traditional sense. He drops in and out, appears at odd moments to make outrageous and highly specific requests.
Joan Watson: Respectfully, that doesn't sound much like a friendship to me.
Alistair Moore: Then perhaps you'd better revise your definition. You can't expect Sherlock Holmes to relate to you the way others might. The moment you do, he'll migrate out of your life and you'll be the poorer for it.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you need to urinate?

Captain Gregson: Uncle Sam doesn't take too kindly to people who bring down planes, the death penalty is a real possibility.

Sherlock Holmes: The police made the case, I just made a helping hand, an enormous helping hand, but still...

Joan Watson: I guess there's a question I wanna ask you; about your past.
Sherlock Holmes: Excellent. You wait here, I'll go to my room, shut the door. As soon as you're absolutely certain I can't hear you, ask away.
Joan Watson: I know about Irene, I want you to tell me about her.

Season 1 Episode 7: "One Way to Get Off"

Sherlock Holmes: Your right, I have been cutting you off. It amounts to sulking and it is no way to conduct an adult relationship.

Sherlock Holmes: I would propose a toast to our new spirit of collaboration, but I, umm, I've neglected to pour myself a coffee.

Captain Gregson: No Watson?
Sherlock Holmes: She took the morning off, something about a cousin falling ill.

Captain Gregson: I gotta tell you, coming in here this morning was like waking up in the middle of a nightmare that I thought I stopped having a long time ago.
Sherlock Holmes: Is that because of the uncanny similarities to the Wade Crewes murders in 1999?

Sherlock Holmes: Always nice when a psychopath grooms himself to look the part, don't you think?

Sherlock Holmes: Wade Crewes told you that he worked alone when he confessed in 1999, I think he lied.

Captain Gregson: Waste of time, he'd tell you he was partnered with the Taliban if it'd shave time off his sentence.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I admire your persistence, but the reception is really... where...
Joan Watson: Really, because my phone's working fine, four bars and everything.

Sherlock Holmes: Well then, welcome to our new arrangement; same as the old one without the goodwill that you'd accrued. I will obey the letter of our arrangement, I will check in with you ever two hours, at which point you can give me whatever drug tests that you want. My bodily fluids are at your disposal.

Dr. Carrow: Sherlock Holmes was here for six months and in that time he mentioned no women, no men, no names, no dates. I don't think I learned a single thing about him.

Detective Bell: Walsh's sex slave is his alibi for the Myrose killing?

Sherlock Holmes: The human eye is a precision instrument. It can detect groves and lands on a slug more efficiently than any computer.

Captain Gregson: This isn't philosophy class, we don't need to debate every possibility.

Captain Gregson: You just got done dissecting one of my old cases in front of a room full of people. How about you leave my old partnership alone?

Edison: He used to tell me I was the only person in this place without an agenda. I took that to mean he liked me.

Wade Crewes: It's like the man says, "the strongest of all warriors are these two: time and patience".

Wade Crewes: You mean you put my prints at the scene of the third murders in 1999. You and I both know that evidence was planted.

Sherlock Holmes: Now, if I wasn't watching you, someone I have the highest respect for, I would think that was the response of someone who has something to hide.

Sherlock Holmes: I left some urine in your room.
Joan Watson: Tell me it's in a cup.

Joan Watson: If you need my help, you know I'm game, but if this is some sort of prank...

Sherlock Holmes: Captain Gregson got the warning he deserved, now to solve the case.

Sherlock Holmes: Ya, I got a delivery for one of your guests, I need a room number, Victor Nardin.

Captain Gregson: Whoa, I'm not here to plan a cover up. If we put an innocent man in jail, I'm not keeping quiet about it.

Captain Gregson: If I let this happen on my watch, I'm owning up to it. Fair warning, partner.

Joan Watson: If I live here, I wouldn't be here either.

Joan Watson: I don't believe it, but this place smells worse than the outside.

Captain Gregson: I'm trying to tell you something important here.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but I wouldn't fall on my sword just yet.

Sherlock Holmes: The man can hardly pour his orange juice accurately, let alone hit a moving target at 20 feet.

Sherlock Holmes: Satisfied?
Captain Gregson: You have no idea!

Season 1 Episode 8: "The Long Fuse"

Joan Watson: Don't you ever get tired of this memory game? You do it every morning.
Sherlock Holmes: The brain is a muscle, Watson, it needs to be exercised regularly, lest it turn flabby.

Sherlock Holmes: The drugs that I took seemed to light up my brain, suddenly I realized the power I held, the power to rule to make the world grovel at my feet.

Sherlock Holmes: If I had needed a sponsor that would sound delightful, I don't. Just like I didn't need a sober companion.

Sherlock Holmes: I imagine you won't miss this when you're gone. In a few weeks you'll be with a new client. No more crime scenes, no more death and destruction. The most dangerous place you'll go is a support-group meeting where they run out of coffee.

Sherlock Holmes: Good thinking, Watson, you know how much I enjoy bankers. Glad to see you've been paying attention over the last few weeks.

Sherlock Holmes: A hypothetical, Adrian: I call you in the middle of the night, I tell you I'm thinking of using again, and that if I don't, I might die. How do you respond?

Sherlock Holmes: Peter Platitude? I was waiting for him to hold my hand so we could recite the Serenity Prayer.

Sherlock Holmes: Now, what kind of sponsor would allow his sponsee to risk sobriety over a simple case of neuroleptic poisoning?
Joan Watson: Okay, you think I don't know there's no right answer to that question?

Sherlock Holmes: Bomb building is a dangerous venture; it requires patience, precision, attention to detail. Mr. Jacob's wristwatch is nine minutes slow and his fly is three-quarters down. That doesn't scream "detail oriented".
Joan Watson: Ted Kaczynski looked like a hobo puked another hobo, he manged to hurt plenty of people.
Sherlock Holmes: Point taken.

Sherlock Holmes: Sure? No. Reasonably certain? Yeah.

Sherlock Holmes: Spin-doctors of the highest order.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm their consultant. This is Miss Watson, she is my consultant/housekeep.

Sherlock Holmes: You cannot stop this, you can only submit. Submit or be destroyed.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you not figured out by now that I see far more than your average addict? My observational skills are second to none.

Sherlock Holmes: Lie, lie, and lie.
Edgar Knowles: Who the hell are you?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm the man with the button.

Joan Watson: What did those balls every do to you?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dying for a good cause, Watson.

Captain Gregson: And as I said previously, I still like him for the last bomb.

Alfredo: We need to be patient and methodical with him.

Heather Vanowen: You're a fellow addict, aren't you?

Sherlock Holmes: You want sex?

Sherlock Holmes: The nose knows.

Sherlock Holmes: Actually I think I'll just use your facilities first; I think I had a dodgy egg. I'll join you presently.

Sherlock Holmes: If that had gone off when it was supposed to in 2008, it would have turned him into so much newly promoted hamburger.

Detective Bell: Now all we gotta do is find a VCR in 2012.

Joan Watson: I'm starting to think you're being difficult because you don't want me to leave.
Sherlock Holmes: You never told me you were funny.

Sherlock Holmes: I don't know what you're on, but old me would definitely would have wanted some.

Sherlock Holmes: Well we can keep watching, if you'd both like, but I'd say we found our bomber.

Sherlock Holmes: I find the anti-prostitute laws in this country rather Victorian. Sex is a commodity, why shouldn't there be a market for it? But, of course, not everyone thinks like I do.

Sherlock Holmes: Detective Bell, the honour is all yours.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm entirely self-sufficient, you know.

Season 1 Episode 9: "You Do It To Yourself"

Joan Watson: This might be a good time to remind you that the NYPD doesn't actually pay you to consult.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you should know by now, boredom is far more dangerous to my health than any fever.

Detective Bell: You look awful.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, at least I still have my eyes, that makes three of us.

Detective Bell: Thought you could take a look before we wrap up the scene, but that was before I knew you were dying.

Detective Bell: Yeah, tell me something I don't know.
Sherlock Holmes: A pig's orgasm lasts up to 30 minutes.

Joan Watson: Hey, I'm not your mother, I'm not your nurse, but if you die of exposure out here I'm pretty sure your father's not gonna send me my next cheque, okay?

Sherlock Holmes: My eyes may be red, but I can still read your caller ID.

Detective Bell: I know your just waiting for me to ask you why you think that.

Liam: What's the old saying, "Rehab is for quitters"?

Liam: You treat all the guys you slept with this nice, or is it just me?

Detective Bell: You should check his fever, I think he's hallucinating.

Joan Watson: If this is how he bottoms out, I gotta let it happen.

Sherlock Holmes: On an area this large and with such force you had to spackle to wall? I suggest you either stop serving that particular cocktail or you just admit that you had a shooting in here, and you dug two slugs out of the wall.

Detective Bell: Show us the footage or you'll never deal another hand in this place.

Detective Bell: You might not want to watch this part.

Joan Watson: Uh, maybe it's me, but to look at mug shots don't you have to take time to actually look at them?

Sherlock Holmes: No, I'm British, this is not tea.

Sherlock Holmes: With all due respect to your mother, I would prefer something proven by the scientific method.

Sherlock Holmes: I must be sicker than I thought; I don't know how I missed that.

Detective Bell: Mr. O'brien, how do you think Kafka would explain this.

Captain Gregson: Not everyone's a criminal mastermind.

Captain Gregson: Thank god for stupid people.

Sherlock Holmes: Over a hundred songs last month alone, almost exclusively bad.

Sherlock Holmes: Well done, Watson, perhaps you should take the reins on the Annunzio case.

Sherlock Holmes: It's not a perfect theory, captain, but it fits.

Joan Watson: This is new.
Sherlock Holmes: Old data, new location.

Sherlock Holmes: Hard to sleep knowing that a psychopath may have ruined two lives from beyond the grave.

Sherlock Holmes: You can't look up killers by locale, but you can look up rapists.

Sherlock Holmes: Good show Mr. O'brien.

Season 1 Episode 10: "The Leviathan"

Sherlock Holmes: If you must know, Watson, the Lynch sisters and I enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship.

Joan Watson: I. Didn't. Ask.

Sherlock Holmes: The safe that you marked as impregnable. Did you learn nothing from the Titanic?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, the police must be looking into who robbed your vault, I take it the how is where I come in?

Sherlock Holmes: Poppycock. The height of intellectual vanity.

Sherlock Holmes: Although, I'm not sure I have a rate for a job that's only gonna take an hour or two.

Sherlock Holmes: Green Stick, do you want your diamonds back or not?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, she thinks she's a clever one, doesn't she. ... She generates an ocean of pure randomness, she wants you to just lose hope, drown in all those numbers, but I can see the horizon line. I can tread water.

Joan Watson: In A.A. they'd say you're on a dry drunk. You're indulging on all the obsessions of addiction without actually using drugs.

Sherlock Holmes: Before you say anything, I'd like to remind you that I'm holding an axe.

Joan Watson: Did you give the people at Casterly Rock my cell phone number as your contact info?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I didn't want them to call me.

Sherlock Holmes: When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

Joan Watson: In other words, you are the smartest man in the world. Waiting for you to chime in and say that's ridiculous.

Sherlock Holmes: You're dressed like your going on a job interview, not brunch with a loved one.

Mary: Can't you client get a different babysitter for tomorrow night?

Sherlock Holmes: I want to offer you a chance to use your brain, I suspect it will be the only such offer you get for the rest of your natural life.

Charles Briggs: Everyone just calls him Le Chevalier.

Joan Watson: So let me get this straight, this Le Chevalier guy, he's a thief who's allegedly stolen and original copy of Shakespear's first folio, a collection of ancient Greek coins...
Sherlock Holmes: Van Gogh's Pietà, among other things.
Joan Watson: And no one can give us a description of him. No one knows if he's a European, American, a leprechaun...

Sherlock Holmes: You've forgotten one thing, Watson, I've never gone looking for him.

Sherlock Holmes: You could buy an island with the art on these walls.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm playing the probabilities, that's what I always do.

Captain Gregson: So, some priceless artifacts just came into your possession, and the fewer questions I have about said artifacts, the better?
Sherlock Holmes: Correct.
Captain Gregson: And this just happened to be on the day that you were looking into Le Chevalier, and this happens to be the stuff that he stole.

Joan Watson: I'm not okay with this.
Sherlock Holmes: You don't like where it's hanging?
Joan Watson: You stole a 50 million dollar painting.
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't steal it, I'm just delaying its return.

Sherlock Holmes: I was hired to break into the Leviathan, did you think I wouldn't get into your phone?

Joan Watson: You just want to meet my family so you can put them under a microscope.
Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense. You search your conscience, Watson. If you're really comfortable going out for dinner while I dream of chasing the dragon, then, so be it.

Sherlock Holmes: Why would a jury need to look at a coffee order 3 times.

Sherlock Holmes: The language's creator named it after the eighth circle of hell in Dante's Inferno.

Sherlock Holmes: Sober Companion. When I first heard that, I couldn't imagine what that entailed and I'm and addict.

Joan Watson: Thank you. I've never been able to make my family understand what I do.

Joan Watson: Isn't that evidence?
Sherlock Holmes: Yea.. well... I will give it back when I'm finished.

Joan Watson: Do I have to find you a drug test?

Joan Watson: Someone once said, "Once you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth".
Sherlock Holmes: Sounds like a windbag.

Sherlock Holmes: There they are, the evasions and rhetorical curlicues of man with something to hide.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, we just didn't want to deny ourselves the pleasure of watching you squirm, right?

Sherlock Holmes: That's not modesty, there's just no reliable way to test the hypothesis.

Joan Watson: Triplets?

Mary: People find their paths in the strangest of ways.

Season 1 Episode 11: "Dirty Laundry"

Joan Watson: These are ready for carbon dating.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a sign of an active mind.

Sherlock Holmes: Because everyone is so eager to speak ill of the dead, aren't they?

Detective Bell: More often than not, when I find a murdered woman with a wedding band on her finger, the husband's the one who did it.

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, suburbia. I'm surprised you haven't tried to get me to move here in the interest of my sobriety, all the structure on display.
Joan Watson: Mock me all you want, organization is a form of structure, and structure is good for recovery.

Sherlock Holmes: Lessons can continue after our companionship ends. A weekly salon, perhaps. You could come by, I could share my wisdom, in exchange for some light housework, of course.

Carly: I keep telling myself "tough times don't last, trough people do, and this too shall pass."

Sherlock Holmes: Waste of time, that was.

Sherlock Holmes: Is that all she was passionate about?
Geofrrey Silver: I assume you're referring to the conversational variety.
Sherlock Holmes: No, I meant fornication. The insertion of Part A into Part...

Sherlock Holmes: John Wayne Gacy gave his time to several charitable foundations, does that make him a good person, too?

Sherlock Holmes: Tell me, have you ever been whore-fishing?

Sherlock Holmes: Mark my words, no one is gonna take you seriously as an investigator if you can't spot a fille de joie at 20 paces.

Sherlock Holmes: When the cat's away the mice will play.

Sherlock Holmes: House of secrets, that place.

Joan Watson: I'm not becoming your apprentice.
Sherlock Holmes: No, of course not, not in an official capacity. More likely you'll peddle some fiction to my father about me not being ready to be alone, yet. Hmm? Whatever your pride dictates, I shan't hold it against you.

Sherlock Holmes: Secret compartments have been the part of cabinet making since the age of enlightenment.

Captain Gregson: It's gonna take days!

Joan Watson: Do I even want to know what happened?

Sherlock Holmes: Each of these stultifying images contains almost a gig of memory.
Joan Watson: That's enormous.
Sherlock Holmes: That's steganography: the science of embedding hidden messages in plain sight. Security through obscurity.

Sherlock Holmes: I must warn you, Watson, whatever's on these videos is likely to be the vilest and most startling material that Mrs. Purcell gathered, so you might not want to watch this.
Joan Watson: Wow. Yeah, I don't know how I'm every going to unsee any of that.

Sherlock Holmes: By all means, let's express our gratitude to the lurching, inept bureaucracy that's preventing us from questioning a suspect who sits not 10 feet away.

Captain Gregson: Oh, good, you're here. He's doing his tantrum thing.

Carly: Everything my parents had told me was a lie.

Sherlock Holmes: Finished playing the part of an American citizen, I see.

Sherlock Holmes: I must say, Watson, I'm quite flattered. It's a lovely homage to my methodology.

Sherlock Holmes: The only promise a puzzle makes is an answer, liking the answer doesn't factor in. In our line of work, it mustn't.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you familiar with the concept of invisible ink?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm quite proud of you, Watson. Your doggedness.

Season 1 Episode 12: "M."

Joan Watson: What are bees doing in here?
Sherlock Holmes: Buzzing.

Sherlock Holmes: In a matter of days, your room will be vacant. I'm very seriously considering turning it into one large apiary. Finally, the space will serve a purpose.
Joan Watson: Hmph. You say the nicest things.

Sherlock Holmes: Reflection is for mirrors. Can't you just hand me a report card?

Sherlock Holmes: He'll put it on his fridge with his colourful magnets... oh, no wait, he doesn't have any magnets, or interest in me.

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't deduce anything, actually. I've stalked this particular madman before, in London.

Sherlock Holmes: M. A simple moniker for a complicated monster. He is, without question, the most sinister taker of lives I have ever had the displeasure of pursuing.

Sherlock Holmes: During the last ten years he has tallied a body count of 37.

Captain Gregson: Seems sort of coincidental, don't you think? Him coming to New York so soon after you?

Sherlock Holmes: I shall count the seconds until your return.

Sherlock Holmes: Much as it pains me to admit it, you have become something of a crutch. I need to get used to working by myself again.

Joan Watson: I'm going to miss this.

Sherlock Holmes: Because I believe out home has just become a crime scene.

Sherlock Holmes: My enemies are legion, the next one might leave more than just a note.

Joan Watson: Are you a friend of his?
Teddy: Associate. He doesn't have any friends.

Sherlock Holmes: This is my sanctum sanctorum, did you honestly believe there wouldn't be security measures?

Joan Watson: That's all very impressive, but I wanna know why you shared a photo of a wanted serial killer with a bunch of kids instead of going to the NYPD.

Sherlock Holmes: I have no intention of capturing M. I have every intention of torturing and murdering him.

Joan Watson: This isn't a joke.
Sherlock Holmes: No, this is revenge.

Sherlock Holmes: I've been dreaming of this moment for quite some time.

Joan Watson: I'm not going to let you risk it all by chasing down a psychopath.

Sherlock Holmes: I am as clearheaded and as focused as I have ever been. There is a clarity to my thinking that's... frightening.

Captain Gregson: Son of a bitch! I am pissed! I get revenge, I've lost friends on the job to scumbags, believe me, there's been more than a few times I've thought about taking things into my own hands, but I didn't.

Sherlock Holmes: Arsenal fan, as if I didn't have enough reasons to despise you.

Sherlock Holmes: Hope you don't mind being hung right-side up.

Sherlock Holmes: I was probably the other blood-draining madman with a tripod device.

M: Ex-Royal Marine, pal. Death's an old friend.

Sherlock Holmes: You made me a shambles of a man, now I'm simply returning the favour.

M: Anybody ever tell you you punch like a woman?

Sherlock Holmes: Gobbledygook, proves nothing.

Sebastian Moran: That was him, that was Moriarty.

Sebastian Moran: It's not fear I'm feeling right now, it's anger, righteous anger.

Sebastian Moran: You kill me now and you'll be killing the best clue you ever had.

Sherlock Holmes: A famous statistician once stated that while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate be becomes a mathematical certainty.

Sherlock Holmes: Individuals vary, percentages remain constant.

Captain Gregson: Are you kidding me?

Sebastian Moran: What can I say? I've lived a charmed life.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm rarely conflicted about the decisions I make. That's the beauty of deductive reasoning, I suppose. It make a science of almost everything.

Sherlock Holmes: I think what you do is amazing.

Season 1 Episode 13: "The Red Team"

Sherlock Holmes: It's cleanliness everywhere I look; it's very disorientating.

Joan Watson: Don't worry, I didn't touch your wall of crazy.

Joan Watson: And how is Napoleon Bonaparte involved?
Sherlock Holmes: By my fifth night without sleep I may have been reaching.

Sherlock Holmes: My hobby is conspiracy theorists. I adore them. As one with a balmy uncle, or a pet that can't stop walking into walls.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you ever heard of anyone say the CIA invested crack cocaine?
Joan Watson: I have.
Sherlock Holmes: I started that.

Sherlock Holmes: Today, I plan on getting in touch with Zapruder, that's the moderator's nom de plum, and share with him the results of a secret government study which concludes that rising ocean waters will soon make a new coastline in the Appalachian Foothills, plans are afoot to move the nation's capital to Omaha, and a cadre of elite billionaires is buying up soon-to-be beach front property.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, his compatriots feared the worst; blacked bagged by the KGB, taken to a secret NASA prison.
Joan Watson: Please don't tell me you agree.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course not, NASA doesn't maintain prisons. Everyone knows that.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, if you're worried about Mr. Pontecovo pressing charges, you shouldn't be; he's got much larger problems than us.

Detective Bell: It seems like you think you're a consultant on this case. You're not.

Sherlock Holmes: Information wants to get out, Watson, which is why...
Joan Watson: There is no such things as conspiracies. We covered this.

Joan Watson: I didn't know you liked tortoises.
Sherlock Holmes: I love them, they make an absolutely delicious soup stock.

Sherlock Holmes: Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Watson.

Joan Watson: The government doesn't go around killing people.

Sherlock Holmes: Can't make soup out of Clyde until I've fatten him up, Watson.

Captain Gregson: You make is sound like he took my favourite shirt without asking.

Sheila: You said you're with the NYPD?
Sherlock Holmes: Most of the time, yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Murder is just one way to stop someone from talking, this is just much more creative.

Detective Bell: We're talking an awful lot for two guys who aren't supposed to be working together.

Captain Gregson: You talk your way into that interrogation room again, and I will have you arrested for trespassing.

Joan Watson: Static is not a song; it doesn't end.

Sherlock Holmes: I am smarter than everyone I meet, Watson. I know it's bad form to say it, but in my case, it is a fact.

Joan Watson: Well, that was either a waste of time or I'm going to be audited every year for the rest of my life.

Sherlock Holmes: This is not something you can walk away from.

Joan Watson: I'm pretty sure you shouldn't use Clyde as a paperweight.

Joan Watson: You shouldn't refer to it my its name; you'll just make it harder to enjoy the soup.

Joan Watson: Their plan of attack, it was so good they made it a national secret.
Sherlock Holmes: The world is balanced on a knife edge of destruction every single day. You accept that and you can just get on with things.

Sherlock Holmes: You mean Bill? We were just talking about him. Are you in market research, too?

Sherlock Holmes: I wanted them to interrogate me so I could counter-interrogate them.

Captain Gregson: Who's texting him pictures of the crime scene?

Detective Bell: Probably easier to fire the guy if we ever actually paid him.

Sherlock Holmes: Mind if I get something from the mini-bar? NYPD's buying.

Sherlock Holmes: There really is no such thing as a secret.

Sherlock Holmes: I knew the Red Team's plan and then I told him that.
Captain Gregson: How did you figure that out?
Sherlock Holmes: I thought very quickly, very carefully.
Captain Gregson: You mean you guessed?

Sherlock Holmes: Gun to one's head, a very powerful stimulus.

Captain Gregson: Who the hell are you?

Joan Watson: Please tell me you didn't cook Clyde.

Season 1 Episode 14: "The Deductionist"

Sherlock Holmes: What is this, intermission?

Sherlock Holmes: Just one question before you leave, can I keep these?

Joan Watson: I'm glad that your bust was such a success last night, but this place still smells like stripper.

Sherlock Holmes: Why not embrace the fact that you're a professional nomad and give the place up?

Vasquez: Man asked you a question, Ennis.

Ennis: It's been a long time since I've seen someone so afraid of me; I've missed it.

Joan Watson: I remember this, they called him the Peeler.

Sherlock Holmes: It's ridiculous to give the man a cleaver little nickname; it lends an air of omniscience these people in no way deserve. You've met serial murderers; they're duller than the Queen's jubilee. Mouth breathers and chronic onanists, the lot of them.

Captain Gregson: You just walked in here, how could you possibly know that?

Sherlock Holmes: It's common knowledge the fakirs of Bangladesh can meditate their circulatory systems to a virtual standstill.

Sherlock Holmes: She's a buffoon; all profilers are. A stake-oil salesman who casts maladjusted closet cases as criminal geniuses in the media.

Joan Watson: Isn't profiling part of what you do?
Sherlock Holmes: I deduce, enormous difference.

Bruce: The guy you sublet the apartment to, Cooper, he's been shooting pornography here.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm looking at the stars.

Sherlock Holmes: Speaking of vermin.
Joan Watson: What is it with you and that woman?

Joan Watson: So she's an ex?
Sherlock Holmes: More like a C, C+ at best.

Sherlock Holmes: I know Ms. Drummond is entitled to her say, but before you imbibe any profiling snake oil, I'd like to offer my assessment.

Ennis: Can you do me a favour? Would you mind taking my picture with your phone?

Sherlock Holmes: Poppycock.
Katheryn: Excuse me?
Sherlock Holmes: Poppy. Cock.

Katheryn: Same old Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Because you and I both know that her crossing his path was like a piece of chum crossing the path of a ravenous shark.

Joan Watson: A bunch of porn actors broke in here and forced you to film them instead?

Sherlock Holmes: You recall my aversion to bile-spewing pig women?

Joan Watson: Maybe the chaos is the point.

Ennis: I like you. I know who you are, the Deductionist.

Sherlock Holmes: I think his demands are quite reasonable.

Joan Watson: My point is that the only thing that anyone can predict about people with a 100 percent certainty is that they'll change, and anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves.

Sherlock Holmes: If I were you I wouldn't be upset that a dirty movie was produced in my home, I would be upset that it was produced so sloppily. And if you hadn't already, I strongly recommend that you find yourself a new spatula.

Sherlock Holmes: Hungry Watson?

Sherlock Holmes: The term she used was self-annihilation.

Ennis: Maybe you won't die after turning back to drugs to dull those senses that just won't quite shut down. Is that what you're terrified of?
Sherlock Holmes: That and clowns.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, before you punch me, or suspend me, please keep in mind that I texted you the moment I heard Ennis enter the building.

Joan Watson: I also want $1200 for that couch, because after everything it's been through in that movie, in needs to be taken out back and shot.

Joan Watson: Are you saying you did something to my toothbrush?

Season 1 Episode 15: "A Giant Gun, Filled with Drugs"

Sherlock Holmes: My name is Sherlock and I'm an addict.

Joan Watson: That was a morning of firsts; first share I've ever heard involving a mongoose.

Sherlock Holmes: You know me, Watson, people person.

Joan Watson: Oh, so you know each other, that's almost a relief.

Joan Watson: Do you think we can press pause until we are all clothed?

Sherlock Holmes: He's my former drug dealer.

Sherlock Holmes: It doesn't make his daughter any less kidnapped.

Sherlock Holmes: Two phoenixes risen from the ashes.

Sherlock Holmes: You think he's some sort of trigger.
Joan Watson: On a giant gun, full of drugs, pointed at you, yes.

Joan Watson: How are you not a total wreck right now?

Rhys: You asked why I'm not a total wreck, it's because I believe in Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: I can identify 140 cigarette and cigar brands by their ash alone.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, he's wearing a hat.

Sherlock Holmes: You seem even more dour than usual, Watson. I would posit it was a menstruation issue, but I worked out your cycle, your good for ten more days.

Sherlock Holmes: I told you it would be a difficult few days.

Sherlock Holmes: Now I urinate.

Xande Molina: Call me a fed again, I'll cut out your tongue and feed it to you.

Sherlock Holmes: This is soul-crushing in its utter banality. Sufficiently asinine as to constitute a valid argument for eugenics.

Joan Watson: If I feel that you've compromised his sobriety in any way, I will turn you in to the police as a drug dealer and a thief.

Sherlock Holmes: Are you suggesting that I was a better detective when I was high?

Joan Watson: You can tell that just by looking at it?
Sherlock Holmes: No, I can tell it by tasting it.

Rhys: I would I'd like to say fine and dandy, but I just saw a piece of my little girl in a box.

Rhys: That's not you, that's not Sherlock Holmes. This is some ghost of you, some pale imitation.

Sherlock Holmes: I don't know what they are yet, but knowing him it's a virtual lock I will be stealing candy from infants or clubbing young seals.

Sherlock Holmes: It occurred to me that a little more time with you, it's a dangerous thing.

Sherlock Holmes: The road to recovery, I found, is as treacherous as it is tedious.

Joan Watson: And here I thought old Angus had finally met his maker.

Sherlock Holmes: After you incapacitated an armed gunman.
Joan Watson: Angus helped.

Season 1 Episode 16: "Details"

Sherlock Holmes: Now you hit me, seriously?
Joan Watson: What's your damage?

Sherlock Holmes: You have much to learn about the art of self-preservation.

Joan Watson: If you ever do that again, I swear...
Sherlock Holmes: You'll what? Fall over again?

Sherlock Holmes: If anything ever happened to you, I'm not sure I could forgive myself.

Detective Bell: Thank god for bad aim.
Joan Watson: And airbags.

Sherlock Holmes: You really shouldn't have jerked your wheel, you would've come out without a scratch.
Detective Bell: Now you tell me.

Sherlock Holmes: There's no shortage of people who would like to see you dead.
Detective Bell: You say it like it's a good thing.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, there is, in my humble opinion, no greater compliment an investigator can receive; speaks to the quality of your work.

Detective Bell: Bradshaw was smarter than your average street thug.

Sherlock Holmes: So you Caponed him. You arrested him on a less significant charge just to get him off the street.

Detective Bell: Thanks for not making me beg.

Joan Watson: Are you sure this sudden new interest in my safety has nothing to do with watching two women engage in some foxy boxing?
Sherlock Holmes: You think you're foxy?

Curtis: See, the thing with him is, you gotta aim low.

Curtis: You pick the alibi you like the best.

Andre: Marcus "Bulletproof" Bell.

Andre: I know you're embarrassed; a cop with an ex-con in the family, but it is what it is.

Sherlock Holmes: When Detective Bell said Curtis Bradshaw was smarter than the average thug, he was putting it mildly.

Sherlock Holmes: Nothing makes a smart man stupid like a thirst for vengeance. As you well know, I speak from experience.

Captain Gregson: If you're thinking about pulling a rabbit out of a hat, get to it.

Sherlock Holmes: I've calculated six different ways that you could have given those patrolmen the slip.

Captain Gregson: Whoever did this, we're gonna find him. I promise you.

Joan Watson: Is this another test of my reflexes? Because you're about to see how quickly I can call the police.

Detective Bell: Is that bullet holes in that dummy?

Captain Gregson: What exactly compelled you to go poking around in dumpsters in the neighbourhood where Bradshaw was shot?
Sherlock Holmes: A hunch.

Sherlock Holmes: Only an idiot would've brought the gun back to his apartment after he'd used it, and you, detective, are not an idiot.

Sherlock Holmes: The last thing our investigation needs right now is a jaunt around the bureaucratic maypole, wouldn't you agree?

Sherlock Holmes: Can you think of any reason that Bell would have a lingerie catalogue in which your head has been superimposed on almost all of the models?

Sherlock Holmes: Stay on permanently. Not as my sober companion, but as my companion. Allow me to continue to teach you.

Sherlock Holmes: I am better with you, Watson. I'm sharper, I'm more focused.

Sherlock Holmes: Still, I'm me.

Detective Bell: If anyone could take two slugs to the back and pull through, it's Andre. He's a stubborn bastard.

Sherlock Holmes: Congratulations on your new career, Watson.

Season 1 Episode 17: "Possibility Two"

Sherlock Holmes: Would you like to talk to the burglar? According to this his name is Loco Maurice.

Sherlock Holmes: Detection is not just a skill, Watson, it's a point of view. You must train yourself to be alert to the bizarre, the unusual, that which has no place in any given picture.

Sherlock Holmes: You say "we", but all I see is a "you".

Gerald Lydon: I don't want your condolences. I want your help.

Sherlock Holmes: Possible does not mean likely, it just means it's not impossible.

Sherlock Holmes: Bentham is the father of modern criminology; he said that crime is the result of free will.

Sherlock Holmes: Is that a...
Joan Watson: Bee in a box? Yes it is.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, frankly, I couldn't say no to him, it would have felt like denying a dying man his last wish.

Sherlock Holmes: Utter pabulum. You'd think corporate science would maintain some vestige of dignity.

Sherlock Holmes: This place is a tower of ego.

Natasha Kademan: There may be seven people out there that might be able to crack it.
Sherlock Holmes: Could I have their names and addresses, please?

Sherlock Holmes: I would rather question a scientist than a businessman. And Norway has fjords and glaciers and women reared on a diet of wild-caught salmon.

Sherlock Holmes: Now she's panicking. Now she's trying to figure out her next move. And if she's as smart as she seems to be, now she's realizing we are her best option.

Sherlock Holmes: She made someone nervous enough to stab her half a dozen times, I'm inclined to explore further.

Sherlock Holmes: Kudos, Watson. Adequately done.

Joan Watson: Ho! I haven't seen those since organic chem.

Sherlock Holmes: I worked hard on that dinosaur.

Sherlock Holmes: You were romantically involved with your genetics instructor?

Joan Watson: Jerry was amazed by this, he said it was like looking at something out of Leonardo da Vinci's sketchbook.

Sherlock Holmes: I will thank you for the molecular formula when I'm sufficiently warm to do so.

Sherlock Holmes: You delay, but time will not! ... That's a quote, Benjamin Franklin.

Captain Gregson: I take it back, your version sounds much more plausible.

Carter: My father doesn't need your help.

Sherlock Holmes: If you wanna be a detective, you should get in the habit of carrying evidence bags.

Captain Gregson: So you're saying your alibi is that you were home taking blackmail shots of one of your neighbours?

Sherlock Holmes: Possibility two has stubbornly refused to reveal itself.
Joan Watson: Well, keep staring at the wall, I'm sure it's hiding in there somewhere.

Joan Watson: So she understands English, she just doesn't speak it?

Sherlock Holmes: You're a detective, you tell me.

Joan Watson: So there's an almost extinct bee flying around in here?

Sherlock Holmes: A good detective know that every task, every interaction, no matter how seemingly banal, has the potential to contain multitudes. I live my life alert to this possibility, I expect my colleagues to do the same.

Season 1 Episode 18: "Déjà Vu All Over Again"

Joan Watson: Who knew these guys back in college would be such a baby factory?

Hope: I think it's incredible what you're doing. You walk away from being a doctor, found a new way to help people. Same old Joan.

Joan Watson: What kind of name is Sherlock?

Joan Watson: How weird is this? You're Sherlock's sponsor and I'm his sober... well, I was his sober companion, until recently, and now you're teaching me how to break into cars.

Sherlock Holmes: Apparently he's holding me to the bargain that we struck when I borrowed that pittance from him.
Joan Watson: If you're referring to the 2.2 million dollars that you borrowed to pay off the kidnapping ransom, I'd say that's a little more than a pittance.

Sherlock Holmes: You're off his teats now, Watson, you can stop taking his side.

Sherlock Holmes: Knowing father, the man is a shyster's shyster who no doubt wants help defending a client who's equal parts Adolf Hitler and Bernard Madoff.

Sherlock Holmes: Impressive.
Joan Watson: I know, I could look at this all day.

Sherlock Holmes: Did you know that shyster is German for one who defecates?

Sherlock Holmes: So let's cut to the proverbial chase, shall we? How much slime will my associate and I have to wade through in order to help you?

Sherlock Holmes: The human face, Watson, is like the penis, or so said the great personality theorist Silvan Tomkins. The point being, the face, like the male member, has a mind of its own. It betrays us on an almost daily basis, advertises our secrets to those who know what to look for.

Joan Watson: You and I were not looking at the same video.

Joan Watson: Nose wings...

Sherlock Holmes: It's a case with training wheels.

Sherlock Holmes: Tube pushers tend to be lunatics of the raving variety. They're sloppy.

Joan Watson: I'm going to pop in tomorrow and do my best Columbo impression.

Sherlock Holmes: Would you like me to tag in?

Sherlock Holmes: Gas Lighting: A form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intention of disorientating a victim, and/or steering them on a certain course of action. The name derives from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, also known as Angel Street.

Sherlock Holmes: Mr. Gardiner's gas has just been lit.

Joan Watson: If by surveilling you mean sitting on my butt watching a man do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, it's going great.

Sherlock Holmes: There is no branch of detective work which is as important nor as neglected as the art of tracing footsteps.

Sherlock Holmes: You don't know I play the violin?
Captain Gregson: Before today, I didn't even know you ate food.

Emily: I just know you, and I know you're not a detective.

Sherlock Holmes: I have the very strongest sensation of déjà vu.

Sherlock Holmes: Fortune often favours the bold.
Joan Watson: But not tonight.

Sherlock Holmes: I mean, a coat, to a picker of pockets, is like a vault to a safecracker, isn't it?

Sherlock Holmes: Opinions are like ANI, Watson, everyone has one.

Sherlock Holmes: Have I told you how distracting I find self-doubt? If you must wallow, I ask that you do it in the privacy of your room.

Drew: You're just some woman with a crazy story.

Joan Watson: But don't take my word for it, I'm just a woman with a crazy story.

Season 1 Episode 19: "Snow Angels"

Sherlock Holmes: Miss Hudson is a fascinating woman. She has an Oxford don's knowledge of ancient Greek, but she's a complete autodidact.

Joan Watson: Well, "muse" is not a job title.

Joan Watson: Once a month it is sparkling clean and the rest of the time it is a science experiment.

Detective Bell: It's supposed to come out at midnight tomorrow. I don't know who lines up at midnight for a phone, but somebody didn't wanna wait.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, if I have to solve this in the Stone Age, I suppose it might be interesting after all.

Joan Watson: I don't think that's what they had in mind when they said "essential functions only".
Sherlock Holmes: This is essential, I'm conducting a murder investigation.
Joan Watson: You're browsing Instagram.

Sherlock Holmes: You see that shadow?
Detective Bell: Yeah, it looks like a shadow.

Sherlock Holmes: Private Maggio, you mastermind any slick burglaries recently?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, the killers didn't care about them, why should we?

Sherlock Holmes: The advisory is for citizens, we are not citizens, we are detectives.

Joan Watson: Don't you have an App for that?

Sherlock Holmes: My associate, Miss. Watson, she holds several black belts.

Sherlock Holmes: Unless the thieves are angling to steal onesies from a Baby Gap, very difficult to see what they're after.

Joan Watson: Are we fleeing from the scene of a murder because Miss Hudson and her boyfriend were up half the night yelling at each other?

Joan Watson: What if there are 50 commandos shooting up the place?
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I have my whistle. I don't know what's gonna happen next, that's what makes this an adventure.

Vince: Well, it's hard to explain you got a bullet wound by falling down the stairs.

Detective Bell: One more question. What hurt worse, getting shot or letting your friend stab you to disguise the wound?

Joan Watson: Did you not play the phone bill?
Sherlock Holmes: In this day and age, a land-line is like an appendix or a vestigial tail.

E.R.O.C Manager: There's no way, no chance you could get into our vault directly.

Sherlock Holmes: The money's already been shredded, has it not? Miss Watson and myself and not here to steal confetti.

Sherlock Holmes: You have to admire the ingenuity of the plan. If they hadn't killed someone I'd have half a mind to let them get away with it.

Joan Watson: The driver had a lazy eye, the other two met at basketball camp, and one has canine lupus. See how it feels? Just tell me how you know.

Sherlock Holmes: We've been duped.

Joan Watson: Hate you? I love you!

Miss Hudson: I have a touch of OCD. It seems to flare up after a breakup.

Joan Watson: Why does Clyde have tape on his back?
Sherlock Holmes: It's a cross, he's an ambulance.

Detective Bell: You think someone was playing Moses parting the Red Sea?

Detective Bell: A mass spectrometer is the thing that just ruined your life.

Sherlock Holmes: Detective Bell once confided in me he played Sky Masterson in his high school production of Guys and Dolls. I had not, until this moment, imagined that he was any good.

Sherlock Holmes: How's the riot?

Joan Watson: Hmm, redecorating already?

Season 1 Episode 20: "Dead Man's Switch"

Sherlock Holmes: I am an actual tattoo artist; I did a lot of these myself.
Joan Watson: How'd you...
Sherlock Holmes: Ambidextrous.

Sherlock Holmes: Amassing a collection of cheap plastic discs seems infantile. Unless, of course, I could trade them in for a prize. A brood of sea monkeys, perhaps.

Sherlock Holmes: I have a particular disdain for blackmailers. They are, in some respects, more despicable to me than even murderers. Miss Watson and I will find the person who's been targeting you, and we will also find their associate, then we will destroy every trace of this vile recording.

Sherlock Holmes: Another reason to dislike Milverton, he keeps cats.
Joan Watson: Well, he should get himself a real pet, like a beehive.

Sherlock Holmes: It would seem Milverton is a professional blackmailer.

Sherlock Holmes: It is possible I am here to report a murder, or perhaps I'm just here to seek the counsel on an investigator that I respect and admire.

Sherlock Holmes: Hypothetically, the blackmailer was killed in his home tonight. Hypothetically, I saw it happen.

Sherlock Holmes: I heard the victimizers of children had a rough time in prison, it's really nice to see that it's not just a rumour.

Sherlock Holmes: As far as rapists go, it would appear he's an honest one.

Sherlock Holmes: You're a liar who lies.

Joan Watson: Lots of evidence that Duke Landers is even scummier than we thought.

Sherlock Holmes: The colours are a bit garish. More appropriate to a successful first year as a Vegas showgirl.

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't drink anything, Watson, I just wanted to see them bounce.

Sherlock Holmes: Orson Welles was heavyset, Abraham Zelner could pull small moons out of orbit.

Sherlock Holmes: Captain, what is the first thing that comes to mind when I say Henry VIII?
Captain Gregson: Herman's Hermits?

Anthony Pistone: I looked down at Milverton, and it was like he was looking back at me, like he was laughin'.

Anthony Pistone: He's got enough face left for an open casket.

Captain Gregson: Usually I feel so good when we've got a killer dead to rights.

Captain Gregson: I'm not saying that I agree with what he did, I'm saying I sympathize.

Sherlock Holmes: The Brownstone is on fire, my bees have escaped, and there's a giant comet headed for Manhattan.

Sherlock Holmes: I can't recall the last time I was so thankful for the essential avarice of the human condition.

Sherlock Holmes: To me it does not commemorate a period of success, but rather the end of a period of great failure. I failed when I abused drugs, and I would really rather not be reminded of that fact.

Alfredo: You know what I wish you got? Milestones like this one, they're yours, but they're not about you. They're about all the people who haven't got there yet. They see you do it and they think "why can't I"?

Alfredo: I know it's hard, but one of these days you gotta get over yourself.

Sherlock Holmes: To the professional fan man, these businesses are a veritable deep-fried buffet of nuisance lawsuits.

Sherlock Holmes: I cannot accept my one-year chip on my one-year anniversary because it's not my anniversary.

Joan Watson: Sherlock, I understand why you're upset, we're talking about the difference of one day. It doesn't change what you did the 364 that followed.

Sherlock Holmes: It sounds like a mere detail, but I'm a man of details and it matters to me.

Sherlock Holmes: You know me, stealthy as a shadow.

Joan Watson: I just wanted to let you to know that I was thinking of you.

Season 1 Episode 21: "A Landmark Story"

Daniel Gottlieb: Each pacemaker has its own unique identifying number, if you've got that, you can make that little box in your chest do all sorts of things. Things like send several hundred volts through your body with just a push of a button.

Joan Watson: You dislocated your own shoulder because...
Sherlock Holmes: Are you thick?
Joan Watson: Am I thick? You are the one stuck in a straitjacket.

Sebastian Moran: And I was told, every year about Christmas time, a fat, jolly old man delivers toffees to good little girls and boys. Now, I waited up for him one night to steal his stash, but he didn't show.

Sebastian Moran: Now you find out who killed Van Der Hoff, and you will be one step closer to him, to Moriarty. Oh, and one more thing. When they ask you what happened here today, keep it quiet.

Sebastian Moran: Too late boys, no medic needed. No medic, ha ha. Too late, too late will be the cry when the lady with the bags passes by. Oh, Sherlock's up and Sherlock's down, but he always wears that sacred frown.

Joan Watson: That doesn't prove deceit. It's a feint, designed to sharpen your deductive skills.

Joan Watson: So you prove you're reasonable by asking me to commit a felony?
Sherlock Holmes: Security in mortuaries is so lax you can hardly call it breaking and entering.

Joan Watson: You say that like you've broken into funeral parlours before.

Sherlock Holmes: They certainly aren't going to assume two people broke in in the middle of the night and performed an illicit autopsy, are they?
Joan Watson: Right, because that would be crazy.

Joan Watson: I'm dissecting a body in the middle of the night, we are not having a moment.

Sherlock Holmes: I was thinking about bootlegged alcohol this morning, reminded me I haven't listened to Bix Beiderbecke in quite some time.

Joan Watson: And the doll being burned at the stake?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm in a depute with a theologist about Galileo.

Joan Watson: Did we quit the Van Der Hoff case while I was asleep?

Joan Watson: So you think that bleach-teeth killed him?

Rainbow-haired Girl: Try saying "excuse me" dildo!

Joan Watson: Tell me you didn't just throw an air conditioner from the roof.

Sherlock Holmes: If Moran was a sledgehammer, our current quarry is the scalpel.

Sherlock Holmes: If I was a sociopath and I wanted to stop anyone from taking too close a look to my murderous transactions, I would remove Ms. Taggart from the chess board.

Sherlock Holmes: The best way to keep this woman safe is to find out how to kill her.

Sherlock Holmes: The rest of her time seems to be devoted to running laps at the pace of a third-grader with a sprained ankle.

Sherlock Holmes: A man after my own heart.

Joan Watson: So you think he's planning a murder by bee?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, an EpiPen would work against one or two stings, but how effective is it gonna be against an army of bee assassins?

Sherlock Holmes: You're an interesting project, and I enjoy watching your progress.

Sherlock Holmes: The thing that's different about me, empirically speaking, is you.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh we're not going to arrest you, you're going to help us find your employer.

Sherlock Holmes: You want some tea?
Joan Watson: No, I want a drink... Sorry.

Joan Watson: How many people have you killed?
Daniel Gottlieb: 31. He's been active in New York these past few years.

Daniel Gottlieb: He mentioned he spent time in a reform school when he was a kid.

Daniel Gottlieb: I had an accidental overdose lined up for you.

Joan Watson: What time is it?
Sherlock Holmes: Middle of the work day in England.

Sherlock Holmes: I still have contacts in Britain.

John Douglas: What's in the bag?
Sherlock Holmes: The instruments of your slow demise.

John Douglas: I could tell you why she had to die. It was because of you, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: It would appear someone didn't want us to finish the conversation we were having.

Captain Gregson: This man has given use 18 murders so far, he has no interest in an attorney, he just wants to talk.

Daniel Gottlieb: If you want to read that message, you're going to have to translate it yourself.

Sebastian Moran: What does it take to crease that mug?

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you know, some people, without possessing genius, have a remarkable knack for stimulating it.
Joan Watson: Oh, and insult and a boast.

Sebastian Moran: I've been to the hash bars of Holland, I've been to the brothels of France, but none of you ladies in Europe will give this poor gooner a chance. Bring back, bring back, bring back the champions to me, to me. Bring back, bring back, bring back the Arsenal to me.

Sebastian Moran: Who's that team we cal the Arsenal? Who's that team we all adore? They're the team in red and white, and they fight with all their might ...

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, you know, that's what idiots tell themselves when they've been outsmarted.

Joan Watson: It seems like maybe you're the game.

Season 1 Episode 22: "Risk Management"

Moriarty: I believe we are overdue for a chat.

Moriarty: Chin up, Holmes, manipulation is my business.
Sherlock Holmes: Seems more like murder is your business.

Moriarty: Consider me a spider. I sit motionless at the center of my web, that web has a thousand radiations and I know well every quiver of each of them.

Sherlock Holmes: So you're a pimp and assassins are your girls?

Moriarty: Bring his killer to justice and I promise I'll give you all the answers you can handle.

Sherlock Holmes: In the course of one brief exchange I've already gleaned that Moriarty is between 40 and 45 years of age, he hails from Sussex, and he has some interest or connection to Mr. Wallace Rourke.

Sherlock Holmes: I assure you, the work we do is quite real.

Sherlock Holmes: It's one of the advantages of being a shadowy criminal mastermind, I image; you get to take the occasional risk.

Sherlock Holmes: Out with it, Watson, or are you gonna spend all night almost asking me something?

Sherlock Holmes: She was, to me, the woman. To me, she eclipsed and predominated the who of her gender.

Joan Watson: Now all we have to do is figure out his name.
Sherlock Holmes: Already have. First name, Made, second name, Up.

Sherlock Holmes: It's going to be a very delicate conversation. For what it's worth, he's not bringing his wife either.

Daren Sutter: Actually, I'm an excellent liar.

Joan Watson: Are you trying to get rid of me?

Captain Gregson: Guys like him, they walk between the raindrops, they don't get wet. People like you do.

Captain Gregson: I've been a cop for 30 years, I carry a gun.
Joan Watson: And a penis.

Joan Watson: Probably thought you were part of the conspiracy.
Sherlock Holmes: I suppose, in a sense, I am.

Joan Watson: Okay, that is not detracting, AT ALL!

Sherlock Holmes: Let me guess, his mother swears she dealt him into her bridge hand that evening.

Joan Watson: How long was I out?
Sherlock Holmes: 107 minutes. Enough time to cycle through all five stages of REM and non-REM sleep, leaving your mind clear for the day's labour.

Sherlock Holmes: I find fear to be an unproductive filter with which to view the world. I dampens my powers of...
Joan Watson: Can't you just answer a question like a normal human being?

Sherlock Holmes: As far as Moriarty is concerned, I will never allow any harm to come to you. Not ever.
Joan Watson: You can't promise that.
Sherlock Holmes: And yet I have.

Captain Gregson: Neither is this. You're under arrest.

Joan Watson: So now that we have the whole truth, why do I feel so lousy?

Daren: Unless you plan on finding the man who murdered my sister and bringing him back here to me so I can strangle him with my own hands, there's never gonna be any justice.

Joan Watson: I thought you'd try and pull something like this.

Sherlock Holmes: Most puzzles I see from the outside and it gives me a certain clarity. I am right in the center of this one. It has blurred my vision, to sat the least.

Sherlock Holmes: Irene?

Season 1 Episode 23: "The Woman"

Irene Adler: Consulting Detective? Is that different from a PI?

Irene Adler: Oooh. You're beautiful.

Irene Adler: Yeah, they're good forgeries, but, you know, they're forgeries.

Sherlock Holmes: You're very gifted.

Sherlock Holmes: And some of these other paintings are "preserved" as well, are they?

Irene Adler: You're not boring at all, are you?
Sherlock Holmes: I make every effort not to be.

Irene Adler: No, Mr. Stapleton told me it was my birthday seven different times.

Joan Watson: Do you really want to sit this one out?

Sherlock Holmes: Besides, I don't think I'd be much use, Moriarty is quite clearly smarter than I am. A man should know when he's beaten.

Sherlock Holmes: You lurk.
Joan Watson: I do.

Sherlock Holmes: My water turns hot, your case grows cold.

Detective Bell: Feels just like having Holmes here, doesn't it?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm not accustomed to rebuffings.
Irene Adler: You're not accustomed to being on the receiving end of rebuffings.

Irene Adler: Our afternoon was one of the most unique and memorable of my life; it can't be repeated. Why could try, but that's just a game of diminishing returns, isn't it? I'd rather just remember it the way it was.

Sherlock Holmes: Now, it was just a simple matter of some unsanctioned work with dynamite to see if I was right or not.

Detective Bell: You ever hear of him mention a guy named Moriarty?
Duane: We went to high school with a guy named Maury Goldburg.

Captain Gregson: It's weird to seem him walk away from a case. I mean, don't get me wrong, I get it, it's just weird.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, we just had sex, so my brain is awash with neurochemicals.

Irene Adler: Is this all I am now, a piece of exercise equipment for your brain?
Sherlock Holmes: You're the greatest piece of exercise equipment that a man could ever hope to throw a leg over.
Irene Adler: That's Keats, right?

Irene Adler: Empathy, you have changed.

Irene Adler: You were broken. You fixed yourself. If the great Sherlock Holmes can do it, then... You give me hope.

Sherlock Holmes: I followed every counter-surveillance procedure known to man, and then some known only to me.

Sherlock Holmes: I suppose with a man like him, anything is possible.

Joan Watson: This is what Moriarty wants, and if it's what he wants, it's a mistake.

Isaac: You tell Moriarty that Sherlock Holmes is a dead man.

Sherlock Holmes: How could I have been so stupid.

Irene Adler: You know, it's funny. I close my eyes and try to picture him, and I see someone an awful lot like you.

Irene Adler: I think if he weren't so bend on being your enemy, he'd be your friend.

Issac: Moriarty said you weren't to be harmed, but then a few hours ago, she tried to have me killed.
Sherlock Holmes: She?

Moriarty: Bet you wish you ran away with me you'd run away with me when you had the chance.

Season 1 Episode 24: "Heroine"

Moriarty: As if men had a monopoly on murder.

Moriarty: You're the detective, Sherlock. You tell me.

Sherlock Holmes: I have about as much in common with you as I do a dung beetle.

Sherlock Holmes: So you're saying we're the same?
Moriarty: I'm saying I'm better.

Moriarty: You look at people and you see puzzles, I see game.

Moriarty: I would never kill you, not in a million years. You may not be as unique as you thought, but you're still a work of art, I appreciate art.

Sherlock Holmes: What's the point of living with a former surgeon if she can't stitch the occasional bullet hole?

Sherlock Holmes: How good can they be if they're non-addictive?

Sherlock Holmes: Thanks to her, I now have perfect clarity. You've never seen me with perfect clarity.

Sherlock Holmes: I suppose I should get used to calling her Moriarty.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, I've never had a nemesis before. I mean, not a proper one. Quite looking forward to it. I imagine it to be tremendously energizing.

Joan Watson: So you're running an underground railroad for endangered species?

Joan Watson: Give me a number, 1 to 10.
Sherlock. Pi.

Sherlock Holmes: I wait with bated breath.

Moriarty: You're not afraid of me.
Joan Watson: Too angry to be afraid.

Moriarty: Over the course of my career, I've plotted exactly seven murders that were carried out in crowded restaurants.

Moriarty: Far as I can determine, you're a sort of mascot.

Moriarty: I have eyes and ears in the most fascinating of places.

Joan Watson: You're afraid of him.

Captain Gregson: You're both getting your own security details until this all blows over, and I'm putting a couple of guys at your residence, too.

Moriarty: It's simple, you just point and shoot, repeatedly.

Joan Watson: So this is all very fascinating in an NPR kind of way, but I don't see how your nemesis will look at all this and see an opportunity.

Joan Watson: What say we go stop this bitch?

Sherlock Holmes: If you are the partner that I invited you to be, the partner that I believe that you can be, then you will stop this line of thought immediately!

Moriarty: Would you have preferred I'd just killed you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.

Moriarty: You're broken to pieces right now, I can put you back together.

Moriarty: I made nearly a billion dollars today, I don't feel stupid.

Sherlock Holmes: You know, she solved you, the mascot.

Sherlock Holmes: I remain quite drug free; it's good.

Sherlock Holmes: You said there was only one person in the world who could surprise you, it turns out there's two.

Joan Watson: So does that mean you need to find a new nemesis, or is this more of a lifetime appointment?

Joan Watson: So box bee got another bee pregnant?

Sherlock Holmes: Allow me to introduce you to Euglassa Watsonia.
Joan Watson: You named a bee after me?

 

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